Fear of Friday

This feeling began from other reason, from other Fridays, but now it has come to this: My desire is both friend and foe for me. I'm insecure and you should know why. Is it like in the lyrics: No light, No light? I wanna give and yet I am afraid to take the leap. Heat and adrenaline I like, but i may get burned. Trying to stay away I might have got too close. Addiction is easy, it comes slowly and is hard to manage. And yet, I resent this, if it means to strain ourselves and it does not run smoothly. I try to stay cerebral and yet I lose control. Vexation and frustration are old friends of mine, but I wish to see them as rarely as possible. Honesty our rule, but what if truth is not what we want to hear. I forced the truth twice and all ended up in tears. It matters to know the truth but it matters also what you do with it, how you value the information, it's not owning it's capitalization. Dancing with somebody is not always about leading, is about harmony, about knowing when to step back and when forward, maintaining a rhythm, is about losing yourself. Quence my desire like the song says. I will guide you but some things I just cannot say. Funny how easy we forget how miserable we were and we become more and more demanding. I don't know who is fakeing this more - me or you or which is worse. Let’s not take this for granted, let’s make the begining last. Afterall genius is: "1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration". Just like a relationship - you cannot just wait for things to be perfect, you make them perfect. The ecuation is not a+b=r (relationship). R is not the solution, is just the begining of a journey, is part of the matrix, a and b have many specifications, that are revealed in time. You start discovering the other one, learning things, reactions, history, future, food, moods, faces, ways of laughter. Begining should be about discovering, should not be hurried, should be about the other one. Have the faith of putting me in the spotlight and not you and I will do the same. All the arguments in the world I cannot convince you - it should come from you. Some are afraid to give, some are afraid to open, some to talk, some to act, some to forgive. Cannot ask for what you cannot give. Cold shower every month may lead to permanent damage. No guarantees, nothing lasts forever, I couldn't agree more, but walking permanently on thin ice is not pleasure&passion&danger, it may be just fatal. Midnight walks in the park, messages, bed time stories, looks...gone with the wind? Have I got the right to wish them back? Which is worse: knowing how it feels like and regret when it’s over or never knowing how it feels like and not having what to dream of? From ice to fire, that can be a rush but of what material should I be made of? The key is not even about doing/saying, it's about what you broadcast by looks, by gestures, by small things. Change of mind or change of heart? And who’s?